We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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