It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
