Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
