I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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