she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
