That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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