So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
