I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
