I'm drive I can fine osifer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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