all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
