He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
