I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize