pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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