I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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