guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
