i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
