Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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