I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
