i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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