My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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