so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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