just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
