Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
