oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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