the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
