Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
