omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
