Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
