I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
