used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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