it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
