Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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