I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
