The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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