He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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