That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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