$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
