Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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