i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
