Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
