Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
