the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
