i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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