To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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