It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
