Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
