your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
