nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
