I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
