Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
