u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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