You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
