Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
