im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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